Randy Suits

Mom Let Me Leave But She Never Never Turned Me Loose

My Dearest Eve, whom I can tell my most heart felt secrets,

Sometimes the Lord God walks through my heart, mind and soul with memories so dear and so real that it’s as if I’m actually reliving them. And oh so much more stimulating it is, even inspiring that the Most High God loves us so much as to refresh our forgetfulness enabling us to hold fast to those golden moments,  priceless events in the eternal record of our lives. Can I tell you about my mother, the second most trustworthy woman in my life, who like you could read my heart like a book, perceiving even my deepest fears, heartaches and pains. She never failed me or any of her children or her husband. She lived for them, not that she failed to live her own life, accepting suffering without complaint and celebrating each occasion for happiness and joyful gatherings. Looking back, I can see that I failed her in my youthful exuberance to live with gusto and succeed in all that I did. Mom was always pleased and she always chose to give her children special recognition that only a mother can pour upon her babies. We were always her babies. She let us know it every day by her mother hen wings of love covering us. Once in a rebellious teenage tirade, I’m ashamed to say, that I lashed out at her for her over protective concerns when I had acted out with my buddies in an unacceptable manner. She let me rave on a short time before softly, tenderly, lovingly peering into my eyes. She said, ‘Son you may do things that I am ashamed of because you did them, but I will never be ashamed of you’. The blustering, raging, bullying teen aged son of my mother, was instantly disarmed. Mom cried. Then I cried and then we both sobbed. (It’s O K for a young man to cry in his mothers arms like I’ve cried in your arms. You know of course, Men aren’t supposed to cry.) The Most High God certainly blessed our family with a saint to guide us and prepare us for a world filled with challenges. Then He followed up with a wife after the pattern of my blessed mother. I am most grateful for his tender mercies. When I left home to set out on my life journey with a job at Caterpillar Tractor Company, Mother packed my luggage, made me a sack lunch and told me to be careful and write. Thoughtlessly I rushed out of the house, threw my suitcase in the car and headed up the road. Two or three minutes into my drive, I realized that I hadn’t given my mother a hug and a kiss good-bye. That was sacred at moms’ house. At that moment I realized, I needed that hug and kiss. I turned the car around and pulled into the drive. Mom looked up and asked, “Did you forget something son?” I replied, ” I sure did. I forgot to hug and kiss my mother.” Mom sobbed & I sobbed as I folded her into my arms and consoled her.” This was my first time comforting Mom. Her firstborn was leaving the nest. (Grandma Rachel said, and we now know it’s true, “When the first one leaves you think you can’t bear it. When the last one leaves the nest, you think you have to go with it”) I assured mother that I would be careful and write often. It became apparent for the first time, that even though Mom let me leave, she would never turn loose of me. How like the love of the Most High God and His son Jesus Christ. In my youth I tore off into an uncertain future foolishly confident that I was a man and I could live as I thought was right. Our Lord let me go, but praise his holy name, he has always held fast to my hand and even over-ruled my obstinance and my sinful nature. When I gave my life to Him, he folded me into his arms and we walk together as He guides to the Way of Life eternal. I know now that the ways of Mom were a precursor to the ways of God. Grandma Rachel once told her rebellious grandson, “You’ll never get outside of my prayers.” She and mom are both with the Lord, and I’m still covered by their prayers. Oh the power of love and prayer! I’m eternally thankful that ‘mom let me leave but she never turned me loose.

You are the wife mom always wanted me to have, your Kochany